If you’ve been following me for a while, , you know that I spent several years in a toxic marriage. My ex-husband had a terrible temper and would say the most hurtful things. And as time went on, the verbal abuse turned physical.
At the time, the business we owned together was unraveling along with our marriage. I had no idea that my ex had basically stopped working and was siphoning money from the company.
I felt powerless as I watched something I’d worked so hard for fall apart because I didn’t have it in me to pick up the pieces and put it back together. It just seemed like bad things kept happening to me at every turn and I wanted to understand why. Didn’t I deserve happiness and success?
In those days I believed what most of us believe–that my inner turmoil was the result of the shitty set of circumstances life was handing me. The truth is, the thoughts and beliefs I had about myself and my life were creating my reality. I was walking around (unconsciously) with a cloud of negativity over my head that was attracting more bad juju like a magnet!
Now, don’t get me wrong; I am in NO WAY saying that I was responsible for my ex-husband’s behavior or that the physical and verbal abuse I experienced was my fault. He’s an adult and he is responsible for the choices he made.
What I am saying is negativity begets negativity. I was moving through life exuding an energy of victim mentality, hosting my own pity party and feeling completely insecure. How did I expect anything good to come my way when I wasn’t creating space for it?
I learned that if I wanted to attract happiness, success, and love into my life, I needed to address the war going on in my own head. I had to work on changing the things I was telling myself about who I was and what I deserved. As the saying goes, if you want something different, you need to do things differently. For me, that meant making sure my actions aligned with the person I wanted to be and the life I wanted to create.
Maybe you have your own black cloud of negativity following you around everywhere you go. Maybe you know that your actions aren’t in alignment with the life you want to live but you’re not sure how to shift things.
One of the things I like to do with my clients is to help them define the life of their dreams. You can’t strive for something that doesn’t exist, right? I have them put pen to paper and design their dream life as if anything at all were possible.
Go ahead, try it! These questions might help get your creativity flowing:
- What would your relationships look like?
- What qualities would your ideal partner have?
- What would you be doing for work?
- Would you own your own business?
- How much money would you make?
- How much freedom would you have?
- How much time off would you take?
- Where would you live?
- What would your day-to-day life look like?
- How would you feel about yourself? Your life?
Ask yourself any other questions that come to mind and elaborate as much as you want. The clearer your vision for what you want your life to look like, the more inspired and motivated you’ll be to figure out what actions align with that vision.
Now, identify the actions required to produce the result you want. What kind of thoughts would a person living your dream life think? What would she say to herself? How would she honor her needs? Who would she hang out with? What would she spend her time on?
Asking yourself these kinds of questions is a great way to start thinking differently and open yourself up to the possibility that you have the power to change your circumstances. Because you do…and once you believe that, the sky’s the limit!